You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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