this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
