Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
