the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
At least life still wants to fuck me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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