I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
