this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
