don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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