Non-Jews are for practice
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
