What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
