operation have a gay friend backfired
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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