I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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