There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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