420 ftw
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
