So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
