I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
