I just made out with a guy for $7.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
