Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
