I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
