I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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