new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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