Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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