He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
