My balls are so social today.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
