dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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