i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
