Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
