I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
