I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
