drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
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