I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
How's work?
Spinning.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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