whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
