Your face is a jimmy john
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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