yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
