I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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