It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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