sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
