yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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