he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
