Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
