Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
