Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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