you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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