Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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