Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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