So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
