i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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