well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
