the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
