I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
