So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
