My friends, they love my intelligence
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He did a backflip because drugs
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