Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
