I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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