the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
